Do you remember the time?

So how is 2015 for you so far?

Enjoying your flying cars, Hoverboard,

Nike power lace ups and inside out jeans?

How about the Pepsi Perfect you had in the Café 80’s?

Not everything forecast in Back To The Future Part II  has come to pass (although the Nike Power Laces are on the way soon!), so whilst I’m taking February off, and replenishing my blogging juices for a proper bit of writing, I’m going to play my ‘get out’ card for this one!

I haven’t done a retro list for a while, so here are a few memory joggers for all you lovely 80’s and 90’s children!

So do you remember the time, when…

… you could watch MTV and you knew EVERY song they played?

...If Clarissa couldn't explain it all, then Sabrina might try instead 

… Comic Relief was genuinely the funniest night on TV all year?

… when Starbuck was male, and not female, and not a coffee house?

… you wouldn’t eat porridge oats, as you thought the Quaker dude was looking at you a bit funny?

… we were apparently 18 months behind the Neighbours storyline?

... virtually everyone liked Band Aid?

... Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks were the best thing on the telly on a Saturday afternoon?

... barely four football matches were televised a month?

... we only had three channels on TV?

... it took half a day to set the VCR?

… you knew what a VCR was?

... Big Brother was a relation?

... kids played in the park?

... all we had were three Star Wars films?

… female celebrities had their original lips?

... The Beano and The Dandy gave away free gifts that glowed in the dark?

... the internet cost £2.50 per hour to surf at home?

…when surfing was something only west coast Americans did?

... Saturday morning TV was for children?

... flat screen TVs were only on Star Trek?

... when 3D was red and blue? Or you’d make your own out of those plastic sun visor hats?

... F1 was competitive between more than two drivers?

... a pound coin was a note?

… school glue was a fashion accessory?

… you knew what a Squarial was?

… a Polo packet cost 7p?

… you only had sausages wrapped in bacon at Christmas?

… ‘Wannabe’ was the only song on the radio all summer?

… Lime Green ruled 1996?

… Twitter was something the birds did?

… Celebrities were genuinely talented in their profession?

… hardly anybody’s parents were divorced?

… there was a pub in every village?

 

I’ll be Back To The Blogging in March!

 Belief.Love.Spirit

XxX

Friendships

So what makes a proper friendship? Is it one single component? Or maybe a plethora of traits that keeps it all glued together?

My Reunions blog visited a little bit of the detail in here in that there are periods of your life when you are thrown together, and almost forced to work at friendships you maybe hadn’t originally desired to. School and working life best cover these times, and many would note that key observation spoken by Martin Freeman’s character at the culmination of the TV mockumentary The Office:

“The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day.”

Tim's Speech

It certainly rings true.

I also recall some advice I was offered, immediately before I started my first job working part time at Sainsburys in Feb 1991:

“Don’t ever trust work mates – at most they are often just colleagues, and rarely will they be your friends”

It’s quite a bleak view, but having been in part or full time employment now for nearly 24 years, I can indeed think of examples that compound that thought process. Conversely I have also made some great friends along the way too, so it’s not all bad!

So are work and school friends of a temporary status only, compared to the friends who you specifically choose to socialise with? Quite probably, though it’s absolutely possible to have acquaintances who sit in all three circles.

Experience tells us that some traits are more important than others in assessing friendships, but having done some research into the apparent key traits below, I wonder if it would take an angel to truly completely fit the criteria:

Be Gossip Free

Everybody talks about each other. Fact. If your friend is talking to you about a mutual friend, chances are they’re also talking about you behind your back! To be gossip free is extremely hard, but I guess consideration should be given to whether it’s for welfare reasons. Sometimes the greatest help from friends starts from them having talked about something that concerns or worries them about you.

Trustworthy

Absolutely ties in with the above. What happened in Naboo, stays in Naboo.

Trust and Loyalty can never be underestimated in life – without them, so many of the people you spend your time with are nothing more than acquaintances. Counting and depending on people at times of need, and knowing they will come through for you, provides an incredibly powerful support network.

Never Jealous

Willpower has to be immensely strong if you are to be totally supportive of a friend when they are achieving or fulfilling something that you desire too. I wonder if it’s even possible to not be even the slightest bit envious. Friendships should never stop anyone being truthful though. Strong friendships often come from a place of brutal honesty. The best Friends are there for you because they want to be, not because they have to be.

Be Honest
Carrying on the honesty theme. Is there any truer truth than being honest? Not everyone handles it well, but the whole point is that this person is the one you’ve chosen to be your main confidant in so many things. What have you got to hide that they don’t already know anyway?

Make Time

You can verbally insist you have a great friendship, but it’s amazing how you don’t actually spend that much time together! Texting and messaging doesn’t count either...

Making time for friends – particularly outside a family life – is an increasingly hard act to pull off, but you don’t necessarily need to be in your friends’ pockets to still be true to them. Meeting up with friends after a long absence and hitting the same old groove from the get-go is absolutely a sign of a strong bond. Just don’t stay away too long next time!

Never Flaky

Pfft! This is an annoying one. There will always be episodes when you genuinely think ‘why do I even bother?’ – but one-offs ought not to dictate your thought process alone. It’s when fair and honest communication breaks down more than just once or twice that you should rethink the relationship. No-one likes being mugged off, and certainly your friends should never be putting you in that position regularly.

Never Judgmental

We all do things in shame – but how does a true friend react to it? Abandon you? Laugh at you? They might even take you to task over it, but the key is that hopefully they won’t think any less of you. It’s all about tolerance and understanding. If at the crux you are a good person, your friend will forgive you most of the things you wish you hadn’t done! And if you’re really lucky, show you some compassion too.

Be Respectful

You don’t have to always agree with your über freund, but being respectful to their opinion is a must. And seeking it should be something you are confident in doing. It’s too easy to say that they will simply ‘want for you, what you want for yourself’, as a solid friendship should be encouraging and influential, rather than paying lip service or being domineering.

Have Humour

If you can’t laugh shamelessly with, at yourself or in spite of your best friend, when can you? Notwithstanding tragedy, surely Laughter is right up there with Love as a truly great gift humankind is blessed with?

Just Listen
I love that lyric in the song ‘Drive’ by The Cars:

“Who’s gonna pay attention to your dreams?”

The song seems to be about a broken down relationship, but the friendship theme runs through it a great deal.

Some describe a ‘best friend’ as someone who will literally just listen to them – incessantly if required. Hearing is one thing, but truly listening to a friend can be so worthwhile to them. Perhaps lesser friends only pretend to listen, but it doesn’t mean they are wholly disinterested. It just means they are otherwise engaged on something else in their mind that isn’t you! Don’t hold it against those friends, but just know when to recognise the friend who clearly is taking all your words onboard.

Whilst this is possibly the most important trait to some, it’s probably one of the hardest to realise, the desire to soak up everything from your friend in their time of need.

The skill to just let your friend rant, rave and indeed cry whilst you say nothing is borderline genius. Is silence a fear of saying the wrong thing? Sometimes. But a true friend’s silence can actually speak volumes in them affording you profound respect for the depth of vulnerability that you may be in.

I think that what all this really tells me is that there is no such thing as the perfect friend – every single one of us has flaws. Accidentally (and maybe accidentally on purpose on occasions) I have certainly been a failed friend at times.

Importantly though, all this shouldn’t be too upsetting, and on reflection, I believe that there should be immense joy in the value of finding friends who fulfil large chunks of the traits deemed desirable.

Do we actually need ALL our friends to be this revered though?

When recently having a discussion about the amount of Facebook friends that people acquire, I was asked:
“How many true friends have you got?” versus the amount of social networking ones…

“Enough!” I replied – and I believe that more than anything.

It’s not the massive quantity of friends that’s actually important, it’s the overriding quality of the friends you have, even if it’s only the few, or the one.

Not So Sweet 16

This coming springtime my step daughter turns 16 and recently we had the inevitable request put to us:

“Can I have a party please!?”

Oh how the memories came flooding back about my own 16^th birthday party…

There will likely be a few people reading this who were present and will also remember that Saturday night back in October 1991.

I was on a swing in Easthill Park, Portslade late one summer’s evening, when I first thought that having a party would be the greatest idea ever. This of course was back in the days when mid teens actually went to the park to speak to their friends and hang out rather than have a relationship with them via their phone. In fact I don’t think I knew anyone who owned a mobile phone in 1991 apart from Derek Trotter.

So I sat there swinging away (in my shellsuit), mulling it over with a few mates at dusk and mentally working out a guest list. I recall one of the girls present stating that the main ‘rules’ ought to be a ‘ban on jelly and ice-cream’ and ‘no parents allowed’, because after all, we didn’t want it to be a kids party. So I slept on it before asking my parents the next day about what my chances were.

Amazingly they agreed to it! The only proviso being that the maximum amount of guests didn’t exceed 40 people.

I genuinely couldn’t believe my luck and knocked up my invite list, which was actually quite hard to do as I ended up having to omit some decent people, but I didn’t want to push my luck with the numbers, so out of fairness I stuck with the 40 allowed.

Ahead of the event, my Dad made the calligraphic invites, and as I was working on the day of the party, my Mum decorated the house with photos of the younger me and banners etc as well as laying out a brilliant spread of party food (no jelly and ice cream)

And true to their word, my parents and younger brother left me to it at about 630pm and toodled round to my grandparents on the other side of the Valley in Portslade and said they’d be back at approximately 1am.

I waited in great anticipation, in my new one-size-too-small red panel Chipie jeans… 

 …naively thinking that if 30 people showed up it would be pretty good going.

When I did a head count at 10pm, there were well over one hundred people!

In my genuine ignorance, I clearly hadn’t considered at all that there would be ANY gate crashers, let alone literally dozens of extra people turning up. Thankfully I knew most of them, but there were plenty of new faces too – including a Brighton & Hove Albion youth team footballer briefly.

Basically I got scared. I couldn’t control any of it and spent the night praying that the house didn’t get destroyed or set fire to! As it happened I suppose it wasn’t TOO bad really, but it felt terrifying right in the middle of it, and I guess in the era now of ‘Armageddon Facebook parties’ it could have been a lot, lot worse. Some events of note that caused me angst on the night stick in the memory though:

• The downstairs toilet getting blocked – so a neighbours pathway was used as an alternative
• The garden got flattened
• The vacuum cleaner being hurled down the stairs (and skilfully caught)
• The settee being completely caved in
• Various spots of blood
• Cigarette butts embedded in the carpets
• Dozens of beer bottles hurled into the neighbouring school field, and neighbours gardens
• Various videos and cassettes stolen 
• ...and of course, the next door neighbour’s derelict untaxed Volkswagen Beetle having its roof caved in:

I’m well aware of various other shenanigans that took place but it’s fair to say that there’s intentionally no names mentioned at all in this ‘before the watershed’ blog for many good reasons!

Back to the party (yes there was still a party going on), and there were, on occasion, quite a few minutes when I wasn’t actually hiding. Bless her, the same girl who had suggested a ban on jelly and ice cream offered to dance with me at one point as she could see I was suffering and not really having a good time! Just beforehand, one of the less bright attendees had suggested we put his cassette on to change the music. He said “you won’t need to turn the volume up Bez, as it’s automatically loud”. Okay then.

To my sadness, the majority of my best friends left relatively early for one reason or another. I really couldn’t blame them though, and I suspect I would have done the same as it felt the whole event was increasingly getting out of hand at times, especially when someone asked if there was a rear exit to the house because he thought he was about to be beaten up. Unluckily for him, the only exit was the entrance as we lived at the far end of a cul-de-sac. The poor lad legged it for his life as three other guys tore through the house, trying to attack him. Thankfully he got away safely.

And to put a cherry on top of my night, my parents came home an hour early at around midnight and surveyed the mess. The majority of people had gone by then, but a few wisely started to leave as my Dad was being told about the redesigned VW car roof by the understandably disgruntled neighbour.

The police were called, but so far as I recall they didn’t pursue any complaints made by the neighbours. My Dad promptly issued a warning/threat to all the remaining people that he would never allow any of them across his ‘threshold’ again. It took all the strength in me to stifle a chuckle when a soft lone voice replied on behalf of the group shuffling off: “Sorry mister!”

The next day though, Dad kindly offered invites to come back to half a dozen of my mates who had copped that rollocking at the end of the night. He graciously said sorry to them as I explained to him that they hadn’t deserved it.

Oddly enough I never got told off for it. I suppose my parents felt I’d learned my lesson by the shock and enormity of what had gone on. I spent most of the next morning tidying up, and a couple of friends very kindly came by to check on my welfare.

My brother returned home from my grandparents and claimed he had heard the party from the other side of the hill. And “what was that lingering smell everywhere in the house?”

He was also annoyed that people had been in his bedroom, which had rightfully been out of bounds.

*refer to earlier mention of shenanigans…

Pretty soon my parents were quite relaxed about it all – though Mum was peeved that most of the food she’d made had barely been eaten as someone had poured booze over it all... chicken vodka-vents are not nice!

It was probably no coincidence that the entire downstairs was redecorated within three months.

In truth barely a handful of people had really caused any aggro – it just so happened that too many people came, and I couldn’t be omnipresent in protecting the house. Even the majority of people I hadn’t invited were actually good as gold and gave me no problems. In fact the hardest thing I personally had to keep on doing was to persuade the smokers to smoke outside.

Overall it was a peculiar event. As a result of the mess and damage, my poor brother wasn’t allowed a 16^th party himself, but for me personally the most annoying thing was that I simply wasn’t able to enjoy the night at all.

Additionally, my confidence took its own little dance too. I guess amongst my school friends, I was always thought of as being quiet and unlikely to indulge in such an event that had just taken place, so my confidence rose slightly as it became quite a talked about event at school, and as a strange consequence my credibility also improved a touch. However I felt in other ways my confidence was absolutely shot as I knew I had ultimately lost all control of what was going on. Bizarrely I think it affected me for years as some aspects of my shyness came back with a vengeance.

I think I am able to laugh about it now though thankfully!

“Ha ha! *cough*”

So dare we answer in the affirmative to “Can I have a party please!?”…

Would you?

Madonna – Thirteen Not Out

She’s back. Not that Madonna ever really goes away.

Much was made before Christmas about the leaking of several tracks from the upcoming thirteenth studio album from the Queen of Pop. Leaking, or ‘artistry theft’, of music is not a new thing, and indeed many of Madonna’s near-peer superstar artists have suffered similar experiences, but rarely has an artist (and her army of fans) been quite so publicly outraged about it.

In a recent interview with The Guardian journo Alexis Petridis, Madonna expressed the leaking of her latest creations as:

“Someone comes into your house and steals a painting off your wall: that's also a violation, but your work, as an artist, that's devastating. I'm sorry if words alarm people, but that's what it felt like. It was not a consensual agreement. I did not say 'hey, here's my music, and it's finished.' It was theft.”

Musical artistry is possibly hard to understand if – put simply – you are not artistic in your nature. But those who appreciate the effort more than the casual listener (and there’s nothing wrong with that stance by the way) would find it hard to blame her feeling as frustrated as she clearly does.

The Internet is a wonderful and horrendous platform in equal measure, but the concept of handling property online and the ownership of said property seems to be something that millions (or billions) around the world sometimes turn a blind eye to.

I’d be lying if I said I’d never heard a bootleg / leaked / pirated product on occasion in the past – who hasn’t? But as a matter of principle, I will wait until the full and formal release of Rebel Heart later this year. Completeness is preferable.

Dodgy leaks and artist anger aside, the question I’m looking to have answered is just how will 'Rebel Heart' compare with the previous twelve studio albums?

This blog isn’t a review, as I’d be here forever raving about True Blue alone, but I am rather partial to delivering the occasional executive summary here and there, as some of my previous blogs would attest to!

So I’ll wrap this blog with some #unapologetic comments on my favourite songs from MLVC’s earlier studio portfolio: (hyperlinks are to Madonna's official You Tube site)

Madonna (aka The First Album)

Borderline

The first Madonna song I liked. Probably the first I heard too. Reminds me of a school trip to northern France during the 80's, where we played The First Album incessantly. Also it’s the song I use on my phone as the alarm tone every morning!

Holiday

Could easily be a chart hit right now. Still sounds as fresh as ever.

                                                                                                   

Like A Virgin

Like a Virgin

One of the most iconic song intros of the 80’s – do I need to say any more?

Into the Groove

An absolute must on any party playlist. In my nightclubbing days, it was guaranteed I’d request (demand) the DJ got it on as soon as I got in the club, because “only when I’m dancing can I feel this free”

True Blue

True Blue is my favourite Madonna album period. I feel that nigh on the whole album was absolute pop perfection and very much of it’s time, and before I had my own copy I frequently borrowed a friend’s copy of the album on cassette during 1986 and 1987 and fell in love with all the songs.

La Isla Bonita is up there amongst the most beautiful songs of all time. In the accompanying music video, Madonna’s look as the un-made up, timid, austere and passive girl (contrasting with the red senorita) absolutely did it for me. I can’t think of a more stunning image of such a cosmetically unenhanced character. Just wow!

I digress.

So yes obviously this has stayed with me since forever ago – and the poor girl that I initially kept borrowing the cassette off eventually bought me a copy for my 12^th birthday! (Thanks EA x!)

If I HAVE to be pinned down to name a few other songs amongst this gem of an album that stand out, then I’m going with Open Your Heart, Papa Don’t Preach and Live To Tell.

Proof that even a twelve year old knows brilliance when he hears it.

And for good measure, when my daughter was born in 2012, the title track True Blue was playing on the radio in the background

Like a Prayer

Dear Jessie

Brilliant children’s record, though maybe that doesn’t do it enough justice. Always on my Christmas playlist as it evokes memories of the time of year it was released here in the UK.

Till Death Do Us Part

A hidden epic on the Like a Prayer album, it is a shame it wasn’t released in its own right.

Powerful, melodic and catchy song about the breakdown of a marriage.

Erotica

Waiting

I clearly recall to Erotica for the first time in it’s entirety on the day of its release in the summer of 1993. Talk about change of direction! The title track set the tone in its own ‘gotta listen to that again’ sort of way, but Waiting really struck me instantly. Brilliantly produced and after just one listen it immediately catapulted its way right into my all time favourite Madonna songs… ”Only love can hurt like this can”

Bedtime Stories

Take a Bow

Beautiful ballad, and I’ve found it to be a favourite of people who aren’t even Madonna fans. Has been well used elsewhere too, like in a couple of FRIENDS episodes.

Music

Nobody’s Perfect

Every time I play this for someone, they always ask ‘when did she do this then?’ – which is criminal! Again another track that didn’t get enough exposure. Love the vocoder effects – very much of its time.

...and maybe not technically studio albums, but personally I couldn’t do this without mentioning worthy gems on the following releases:

You Can Dance

I’ve already mentioned the original earlier, but the Into The Groove remix is spectacular here!

Who’s That Girl

Love the title track Who’s That Girl, Causing a Commotion and The Look of Love – I always felt that WTG was like a True Blue bonus disc

I’m Breathless

Can’t beat a bit of one of the most iconic dance anthems of all time in Vogue, and Now I’m Following You (Part 2) is a real quirky feast containing one of the truest lyrics ever put to music:

“An unimagined life is not worth living”

I’m bound to have missed some belters– such is the vastness and quality of the back catalogue. And with Madonna, you know there’s always more to come.

Rebel Heart for starters. Watch this space…