Tuesday 9 June 2015

What’s the best England football song?


It’s been 25 years since the highly emotive Italia’90 World Cup, and it’s still so very fresh in the memory I could probably do an entire blog on that one tournament in no time. Strangely I recall more about the games of that tournament than I can about last years’ event in Brazil, even though the quality of football in Brazil ‘14 was far superior to many World Cups of recent years.

Oddly history shows that ‘experts’ believe Italia ’90 was a boring tournament apparently!?
I suppose it just goes to show that if you are in the running for winning something in sport, your memories are perhaps clouded by sentiment!

Italia ’90 for me though wasn’t simply about what was played on grass – overall, it created the roots that brought about the biggest change in football in my lifetime.
Whilst it preceded the Premier League blueprint in England by a couple of years, I believe the ‘feeling’ that exuded out of this particular tournament started a huge ground swell of change and altered perception of how football was forever to be viewed in this country.

One of England’s many heroes of Italia ’90 was Gary Lineker, and he sums it up pretty nicely:
"There's no question Italia '90 was a watershed moment for football in this country. Football in the 1980s had half empty stadiums, then we had the Taylor report and all-seater stadiums. After Italia '90, football became the place to go: it wasn't just the working classes; it was other people as well. And women and children. I think Italia '90 was significant in that."

As an attending fan of Brighton & Hove Albion since 1987 (and a season ticket holder since 1992), what Lineker states is bang on the money. I was 14 years old whilst that tournament was on, and almost overnight football stopped being a predominantly boys only topic (in general) on the playground. Suddenly many more female classmates got in on the act too. And about time too, one might say.

It didn’t stop at school either. On the terraces of Brighton’s old Goldstone Ground (RIP), and over the next few years, the boom of women and children, nay FAMILIES, was evident, and thankfully this powerful new movement attracted people who had never had an interest in the game before. Football literally became fashionable overnight, and ripped itself away from the hooligan elements of society that were prevalent in the 1970’s and 1980’s.
I digress though.

So what actually springs to mind from Italia ‘90?
From an England point of view alone we had Bobby Robson’s finest hour, Lineker’s goals, Platt’s volley...

Gazza’s tears,Waddle and Pearce’s penalty agonies…


Not forgetting what the other nations provided us with > Cameroon’s Roger Milla (the oldest swinger in town), Scotland just missing out on the second round again, Argentina’s fortuitous route to a second consecutive final, spit-gate between West Germany and Holland. Not forgetting the Republic of Ireland punching well above their weight to reach the quarter finals, only to be knocked out by a solitary goal from the host nation’s golden boy Toto Schillaci.

As stated in the title though, for this blog I’m going to steer clear of the actual football and look at aspects relating to another poignant memory jerker of this tournament, when love had the World in Motion.

As football songs go, World in Motion was an immense improvement on what had been on offer before… so whilst not a definitive list, here is a bit of a look at some England tournament songs from down the years:


England World Cup Squad (1970): Back Home
Traditionalists will always say that originals are the best. 
As simple pop songs go, it’s quite catchy so I can see why it got to number one in the charts – which in 1970 was no mean feat in what was a strong era for singles sales.
In fact, when it got to number one, other artists in the 30 included stellar artists such as Elvis, Tom Jones, Stevie Wonder, The Jackson 5 and Simon & Garfunkel, so all things considered, Back Home did rather well! It does sound dated now though...


England World Cup Squad (1982): This Time (We'll Get It Right) / England We'll Fly The Flag
There's a quality to this one that conjures up images of an oil tanker. It sort of plods away and feels laboured – much like England’s on field campaign in España ’82.
What’s noteworthy? Well this double A side (look it up kids) was part of a collection of numerous songs on a whole football themed album, which contained other audible gems like future England managers Glenn Hoddle (singing We Are The Champions) and Kevin Keegan (singing Head Over Heels)… and who could forget the theme from Grandstand as performed by The Leyland Vehicles Brass Band?

And sorry Glenn; you were my favourite player of all time, but this isn’t a patch on Diamond Lights!

Quirky, but not memorable!


England World Cup Squad (1986): We’ve Got The Whole World At Our Feet
Being 10 years old at the time of Mexico ’86, I was just getting into buying my own music. But that still doesn’t excuse why I bought the accompanying album which included this song. Frankly all songs are hilarious, and include medleys incorporating stuff like ‘There’ll Always be an England’ and ‘The Happy Wanderer’ – bizarre and fun, but not particularly good.


SAW & England (1988): All The Way
The England team had the best qualifying record of all the teams in Euro ’88. The same probably can’t be said for the promo record though. It’s dripping with the 80’s Stock, Aitken and Waterman effect (which isn’t a bad sound in my opinion) but never really caught the attention of the buying public. Besides, we didn’t go anywhere near ‘All The Way’ either. What with the illness of Gary Lineker and the luck of the Irish never being truer than when they beat us 1-0, we crashed out of the tournament with nil pois / keine punkte.


England/New Order (1990): World In Motion
Now we’re cooking.
World in Motion’ was huge as football songs go, bigger and better than any England football songs that had gone before, and (maybe along with one or two others) better than what we’ve had since. It was a true representation of the sound of it’s time too.
I’m not sure exactly why it was so well received – maybe because of the association with New Order? Maybe because of the iconic John Barnes rap? Or maybe because the writers recognised in the lyrics that football really IS a love affair.
Thankfully it’s been wheeled out at every tournament since 1990 to remind us all how good it was. When that happens, without fail I get the goose bumps kicking in as I’m transported back to that fantastic footballing month and all that it evoked.


As an oddity, listen out for the keyboard lick just before John Barnes does his rap. I might be totally making this up in my ears, but I’m convinced it’s 90% identical to a piece of music in ‘Vogue’ by Madonna which was released just a few weeks earlier.

So who copied who?


Baddiel/Skinner/Lightning Seeds (96/98/10): Three Lions / 3 Lions 98 / Three Lions 2010
So good, they did it thrice.
Comparable in many ways to the quality and impact of World in Motion, it’s a tough call to say which is best.
On the back of the hugely successful Fantasy Football League TV programme, the hosts of said show David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, joined forces with the Lightning Seeds for Three Lions, and together they rode on the crest of the BritPop wave at the time to produce the most incredible anthem to Euro ’96.
The song captured the imagination of the public even more so due to the tournament being held in England and in no small way this was helped by the structure of the song. The ‘It’s Coming Home’ refrain was an instant success as a terrace hit (much like World In Motion’s ’En-ger-land), whereas not many had married this bridge between song and chant so well previously.
Rewritten lyrics sent the song to number one AGAIN two years later for the World Cup in France ’98, beating off other strong contenders in their wake.
And seemingly just for fun, Russell Brand and Robbie Williams chipped in for a rehash of the original version ahead of South Africa ’10. The latter version didn’t do so well, but has enough little interesting alterations that continue to do the song justice.



England United (1998): (How Does It Feel To Be) On Top Of The World
This was the ‘official’ song for France ’98, but it really didn’t do as well as hoped (much like England on the field). Personally I think that’s a shame as I quite liked it, and still do.
I almost feel that it didn’t get loved as much, just BECAUSE it wasn’t Three Lions, which had been SO huge two years previously, but as mentioned above, was taking on all comers for a second consecutive tournament – and winning! Maybe the public had had their fill of the featured Spice Girls by then? Not me though, as I felt Melanie Chisholm’s vocals added superbly to the song – so who knows!? For whatever reason, it just didn’t catch on with the masses.


Fat Les (1998): Vindaloo
Yet another France ’98 contender – it was truly a boom year for football songs!
Lead effectively by Keith Allen (who co-wrote World in Motion) and Alex James (Blur), Fat Les produced not only another song that could be belted out from the terraces, but also a fantastic video (with cameos galore) which gently mocked The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony – which itself has also been associated with football coverage over the years.
Guaranteed to get any decent crowd going, and for me only just falls into second place of all time great football songs behind World in Motion and Three Lions.


Fat Les (2000): Jerusalem
Yep Fat Les again.
On the back of the success of the rousing Vindaloo, the band was this time commissioned with delivering the official FA song for Euro 2000, and they went with the song that is often regarded as the unofficial national anthem of the UK: Jerusalem
It seems like it was an attempt to make an even more rousing effort than they’d created before (if that’s possible), but it somehow didn’t command the respect of its predecessors. Plus England were very poor at this tournament, which never helps the ‘build’ of a football song’s chart run. That said, we did achieve an all too rare victory over the Germans. I’m pretty sure there’s still a part of my body that’s wet from the beers that went flying in the pub when we won that game.

So there you go – just a few songs to jerk the memory. Apologies to Ant & Dec for ignoring their 2002 effort of We’re On The Ball, but this blog is already too long without opining on that one!

However, it would be remiss of me to leave this blog without mentioning my favourite two non-England related football tournament tunes.

So a special nod to the BBC for a couple of particularly good official tournament coverage themes:

The Heads (1986): Aztec Lightning


Luciano Pavarotti (1990): Nessun Dorma

Click and Listen!

Monday 1 June 2015

Star Wars - Uptown Ranking

Apologies to non Sci-Fi fans / non Star Wars fans / non movie fans etc… but this is serious stuff!

I suspect this might be amongst the most debated of the blogs that I’ve done to date as it’s a subject that not only do few totally agree on, but also one that people get vehemently defensive and irate about in attempts to justify why THEY must be right, and YOU must be wrong.

This will start light hearted, but I’ll bet you a penny to a pinch of Bantha Fodder that it won’t end that way… and I apologise in advance for the 'in' jokes galore!

Let us begin this debate, at the best possible place:



So for the benefit of those not in the know (if they are even still reading this) the below is the order in which the films were originally released:


Episode IV: A New Hope (released in 1977)
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi (1983)
Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Episode II: Attack Of The Clones (2002) 
Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith (2005)

The creator of Star Wars (His Royal Highness-ness, Sir George Lucas of ILM) will try to convince you that he had a nine part saga in his head all along, and will you give his own (often conflicting) reasons as to why he started with Episode IV. However, I’ve never personally bought the many explanations for this, and having investigated a little bit further, one of the following two reasons COULD hold the true answer:


So yes, it starts with the FOURTH episode.
Confused yet? You will be – You WILL be.

a)
George didn’t actually know the correct order for Roman numerals

b)
George originally entitled the film >
Episode 1       V: A New Hope
…because apparently (according to one of those Wiki-leaks websites) he pre-empted the Sci-Fi / Horror / Cult TV show Vand wanted to make a silver screen version of it first. However, his production team disliked the first manuscript and suggested a new strategy, and therefore didn’t let the Wiki win…

It’s a boring conversation anyway, and ultimately we don’t actually know the real truth, and in truth we probably don’t really care. Either way, what he told you was true, from a certain point of view.
Anyways rearrange the Episode numbers, and the actual storyline order of the films is thus:
Episode I: The Phantom Menace 
Episode II: Attack Of The Clones 
Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith 
Episode IV: A New Hope
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi


Now, there is a whole OTHER debate that could rage here:

In which order should the Star Wars films be viewed? Original order Vs Chronological order

But I’m not going to do that here, as frankly I am not a Jedi yet, and therefore I have no patience.


Instead I shall offer up my preferred order of Best to Worst of the six films released so far, in reverse order, with a bit of blogger’s commentary and a few pros and cons and whilst y’all get your hair buns in a twist about it, I’ll be checking out the Bespin Hospitality lounge for a few parsecs. The foam parties they have there always give me brain freeze…


Worst to Best


Episode I: The Phantom Menace


There’s a line in Episode IV A New Hope (ANH) that people often associate with The Phantom Menace (TPM): “What a piece of junk!”

I think that’s harsh. In fact, I’m going to contradict myself a bit and say that despite placing TPM as ‘worst’, I think I prefer the term ‘least best’, on the basis that I don’t think it’s as bad as many people make it out to be – it’s just not as good as the other five, but to me it still has the ‘feel’ of ANH.


Going to see this for the first time was the most expensive trip I’ve ever made to the cinema though, as I went to Dallas, Texas specifically to watch it. Why? Well back then the UK was always at least SIX weeks behind in film release dates, and the hype was so great that I couldn’t bear the wait!

Like Yoda said: You.Must.Learn.Patience.


Pros:

  • A first look at Coruscant. It’s nothing like Scotland, I can tell you that much.
  • Natalie Portman is a VERY worthy mum to Leia. Also, Keira Knightley can be seen loitering in the background. Happy days.


Cons:

  • Slightly too long
  • The screen time of Jar Jar Binks. I actually don’t mind the character, just the amount we see of him.

Funny:

  • Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Darth Maul’s epic battle choreography wouldn’t have looked out of place in a Cliff Richard movie


Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi


In the spring of 1983, the question being asked was Could Return Of The Jedi (ROTJ) ever top the drama of The Empire Strikes Back (ESB)?


Well no, it couldn’t unfortunately. It’s still got plenty of noteworthy emotive and dramatic moments though, but almost feels a bit tired. And if only an alternative ending had been considered that didn’t involve blowing up another Death Star.

My lingering question is this >
The first Death Star was started during the latter end of the Episode II Attack Of The Clones (AOTC) storyline, and it clearly took the best part of 22 years to build. Yet the second Death Star somehow took just FOUR years to be 90% completely built!!!
I know you have advancements in technology, but really!?
Pros:

  • John Williams’ operatic quality of the Skywalker Vs Vader duel musical core
  • Speaking of which, the Ewok Celebration music (also known as Nub-Jub) was replaced in the Special Edition with Victory Celebration and it’s infinitely better
  • Admiral Ackbar…  ‘nuff said.

Con:

  • It just seems to drag a little here and there, and maybe suffers in its comparison to ESB

Funny:

  • The Imperial Scout Walker getting its head smashed in by caber tossing Ewoks




Episode II: Attack Of The Clones


It has to be said that AOTC was a big improvement on TPM. The pace picks up quickly and the proper seeds of what is to come are well and truly sown. The middle films in such series are often good (The Godfather Part II, Back To The Future Part II, and ESB obviously)… It’s usually when a whole lotta stuff starts falling apart at the seams, and that rule is prevalent throughout AOTC.

It may be a touch heavy on the cartoon-like CGI, but it’s just a kids film after all, isn’t it!?


Pros:

  • Introducing Mace Windu’s Purple Lightsaber (the AK–47). The very best there is when you absolutely, positively, got to kill every MoFo in the First Battle of Geonosis. Accept no substitutes #shamon
  • Anakin & Padmé’s love theme – more superb work from John Williams
  • Anakin’s first proper steps to becoming Vader are evident when he slaughters Tusken Raiders galore
  • Christopher Lee. Any man with the balls to proudly display three nipples is worthy of a mention
 
Titillating – and therefore maybe they DO have nipples in space after all

Con:

  • I hope Yoda isn’t claiming any disability benefits in light of those astonishing acrobatics

Funny:

  • Padmé’s instant recovery following her fall from a great height onto hard sand. Hmmm. Instead of bouncing up and making off like the Running Man, I think in reality she would’ve been in agony, raising her hand and screaming “MEDIC!”
 
Nice outfit though

Episode IV: A New Hope
“That’s no moon, it’s a space station.”


Lots of folks will say the first one is the best one, but I’m not so sure.

However, I do agree that it has to be recognised as the ground breaker, and without the success of ANH, we probably wouldn’t have seen the others. Incredibly I know people who have ONLY seen ANH, and have not bothered to watch the others. How can they feel that their lives are in any way complete?

Talking of completeness, why did the Special Editions continue to exclude the Koo Stark footage? If nothing else, the whole ‘Biggs’ scene near the end would’ve make a bit more sense, and his death would provide more poignancy?


I've no idea who the other guy at the back of this photo is though.

That said he does bear an uncanny resemblance to my driving instructor from 1993.


Pros:

  • Special effects - no-one had ever seen anything like it before. And it hasn't dated badly either
  • Blue Milk
  • The Death Star trench battle sequence at the climax of the movie. In a few short cinematic minutes, George Lucas invented Minecraft 

Con:

  • Here’s some controversy for you. I find C-3PO irritating in ANH. But maybe that’s the point?

Funny:

  • The Stormtrooper clunking his helmet on a blast door.
  • Chewie roaring at the MSE mouse droid.

Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith

You can imagine the 20th Century Fox boardroom meeting:


No pressure or anything George, but this is the big one. This will provide the answer to the biggest question Star Wars fans have been asking for years: HOW, exactly HOW will you turn stroppy emo teen wannabe Jedi Master Ani Skywalker into the Sith LordI’m second in charge of everything in the galaxy’ Darth Vader?”


Did he succeed in pulling it off, or are you still not happy?

Well I was satisfied enough with how it transpired, and the climactic battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin at the end of the film was absolutely superb. As mentioned before, I love noticing a bit of choreographed dancing in the saga.

The only thing I’d change would be how Padmé dies. When one is not especially ill, ‘losing the will to live’ is more akin to the death of an elderly person. Usually.


Pros:

  • Recognition of the vantage point known as ‘the high ground’. It’s a real boon in any situation, so don’t underestimate it or you’ll lose your limbs*
*possibly


  • Ian McDiarmid hamming it up as The Emperor. Love the uncontrolled scream of “Unlimited Power”…





Cons:

  • Hmm… some of the dialogue is a touch corny on occasions, but hey, this IS Star Wars.

Memo, dated circa 1977

To: H. Ford

From: G. Lucas

Message begins:

I CAN write crap, and you CAN and WILL say it

Message ends.
Funny:

  • Not hilarious per se, but I rather like two lines in particular said by Ewan McGregor in proper Sir Alec Guinness mode: “So uncivilised” and “Hello there!”
  • Anakin’s immortal romanticism: “No, it’s because I’m so in love with YOU!



Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back


What’s not to like?

Action, Drama, Comedy, Romance, Tragedy all rolled into 120 glorious minutes of film.

It’s impressive – most impressive.

Not only is it most (not all) Star Wars fans’ favourite movie of the series, it usually stands up well amongst the very best and top rated movies of all time.

In fact, I’m not sure I need to say anything else, save that I recently had a brief chat with a female at my workplace, who staunchly claimed that ROTJ was far superior to ESB.

She was terminated. Immediately.

I’m not sure anyone will miss her.


Pros:
  • The whole soundtrack. John Williams got a Grammy for this one…should have been an Oscar
  • I’m gonna get flamed for this, but I think Leia looked her absolute best in this one – yes even more so than in ROTJ and THAT gold bikini


  • And of course, the best response in a movie ever:



Cons:

  • None. Seriously none.

Funny:

  • The Stormtrooper wardrobe malfunction in the Carbon Freeze scene
  • Lando seemingly struggling to stifle a giggle in the last scene – probably because he knows he’s nicked Han’s clothes



So there you have it. It may be that you don’t agree with me. If that’s the case, then I find your lack of faith disturbing, but May the Force be with you anyways.


As for me, I agreed to go and clean C-3PO in exchange for getting smashed into oblivion on the Spice Mines of Kessel after writing this – it’s a deal that’s getting worse all the time.


Bonus material!



Episode 7: The Force Awakens
So we waited with baited breath for years to find out what happened BEFORE ANH, even though we knew where it was ultimately going. What we DIDN'T know though, was what happened next?

And so were born the Sequels! We were pretty much told to ignore the huge canon of post ROTJ books and storylines, as from here on in, George Lucas would not be pulling the strings. JJ Abrams, it's over to you...

The anticipation of the arrival of Episode 7 was absolutely immense. The producers managed to keep the plotline so shrouded in decrecy so well, that it really was a journey into the unknown. And quite frankly, what a damn fine job they did.

Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens (TFA) was compelling viewing from start to finish. How often do you go to the cinema and hear great cheers and whooping, just because a few aging characters appear on screen. And what other spaceship can give you goosebumps when you see it left to wrack and ruin in an old junkyard.

Hugely satisfying was this new SW experience. Episodes 8 and 9 have much to live up to!

Pros:
  • Again, an almighty soundtrack from John Williams. Especially Rey's theme, and the swirling extra bar in the finale
  • A noble departure for one of the characters.
  • Daisy Ridley. She nails it is so many ways, and with dimples to die for as well. I hope the casting crew got a decent bonus as the female leads in this series are so well cast

 
Cons:
  • I wanted Rey's 'vision' to be longer. At least double actually!
  • Where's Lando? Keg being kept dry for Episode 8?

Funny:
  • BB8 - Genius. More of this droid please.
  • "Stop holding my HAND!"

Just another 18 months to wait...