New Years Resolutions

Nearly time again to make (and then probably break) some resolutions!

I’ve had a gaze around the intermaweb and there are literally thousands of advice sites about how to keep New Years Resolutions (NYR) and it still seems to be a popular, if flawed, tradition for most of the planet!

The most popular resolutions tend to be along the lines of:

Break a bad habit

Visit somewhere new

Spend less/more time doing…

Start a new hobby

Eat or drink more or less…

Stop smoking

…and statistically, by February most of these will be shot!

Over half of the nation set NYR, and nearly 90% fail to make them last.

Why? Well the most common reason is that annoying thing called willpower. Contrary to popular belief, it’s a little bit comforting to know that having strong willpower is not something we’re born with. In other words you do have some degree of control over everything you strive to do!

So here’s the technical bit:

Your brain cells that operate willpower are located in the area right behind your forehead, and that particular area of the brain is also responsible for staying focused, handling short-term memory and solving minimalistic tasks.

When you set a new year’s resolution, a colossal amount of willpower is required, and frankly it’s an amount that your brain simply cannot handle.

The problem is that any abstract goal you have (that is not tied to a specific behaviour) is near impossible for your brain to focus on. So blanket changes are therefore often destined to fail (there are always exceptions) – but small steps do indeed help

For example:

Resolution: Quit smoking vs. Habit: 

Only stop smoking that 1 cigarette you have every morning after breakfast, and decrease other times gradually.

Resolution: Eat healthy food vs. Habit:

Start substituting that 1 mid-morning bag of crisps for a banana.

Resolution: Lose Weight vs. Habit: 

Every evening after work, go for a 2-3 minute run or walk around the block.

Resolution: Manage stress vs. Habit: 

Meditate for a while every morning after you wake up. Set your alarm ten minutes earlier than normal, and then hit the snooze button and genuinely relax for a few minutes before getting up.

 

By immediately breaking down each resolution and seeing what the smallest habit could be, the success rates shoot up dramatically. Leaving NYR vague will bring you no such joy.

Top Tips:

1. Pick only one or two resolutions

…and make them important to you.

2. Take baby steps – make it a tiny habit

…make sure you break down your resolution as far as you can to the simplest task possible. Turn it into the tiniest habit that you can perform in less than 60 seconds.

3. Hold yourself accountable for what you want to change.

…Tell others or write it down. If you tell some of your friends and family about the new tiny habit you’ve created, you are much more likely to stick to it. Write it down maybe – or even set reminders on your phone.

4. Focus on the carrot not the stick. Positive feedback and rewards increase your chance of success.

…Treating yourself to an unhealthy snack after a few days of successful diet habits changes is more than appropriate if you really want to make it through to a successful end.

So good luck! You never know in advance, but you do know that it’ll all be down to you!

As for me, I’d like to have a crack at the short walk every day, so will endeavour to give that a go.

And for fun I’ll try and keep the following resolutions:

1.Swear less

2.Blog less than 1000 words (target achieved on this blog – woo hoo!)

Thanks for reading, and I'll be back in 2015 if you fancy indulging some more! 

Belief.Love.Spirit 

XxX 

An Anti-Bucket List

This has been a pretty tricky piece to write. I generally don’t tend to go out of my way to look for negatives, so you’ll be pleased to know this is a quick and short blog job...

Along the lines of being the polar opposite to the cracking Morgan Freeman / Jack Nicholson movie, an ‘anti-bucket list’ is effectively the things you hope to never do before you die!

So without further ado, it’s on my anti-bucket list not to…

Go anywhere where there are bird eating spiders.

These monsters are as big as your fist and don’t give me that old flannel about every living thing having a right to life. They’re homing spiders too, so it’s no good you taking them to the back of the garden and “ta-ta!” They’ll be BACK with a two fingered salute before you know it.

I’ve got the shivers just thinking about it.

Go potholing

I so very nearly did this one. I was on a school trip in 1991 and got all togged up and was ready to traipse some of Wales’ finest pothole routes – and then I bottled it. It was the right decision. An hour or so later, people came out of there frozen and in tears, suffering from claustrophobic stress and whatnot.

Take illegal substances

Yes I’m boring I guess, but it’s just so not my scene.

“How do you know Bez, you’ve not even tried it mate!?”

Yeah but I really don’t want to. I’m happy with my own ‘drug’ of choice (alcohol) so you take what you want and I’ll take what I want – simples!

I know I’m in the tiniest possible minority to have never even TRIED illegal substances – I think I can only count on half of one hand the amount of friends I know who also haven’t indulged – but I’m comfortable with it.  Live and let live etc.

Watch Top Gun

“WHAT!? And you claim to be a child of the 80’s?”

Yeah but is it all that? Really? I personally love the Brat Pack movies (and in my mind, TG is in the same ball park) but when I persuaded my wife to watch St Elmo’s Fire recently, she fell asleep. 

That is surely more heinous a crime than to never watch TG! So hopefully I won’t cave in and will live out my days until my Goose is cooked, not knowing whether Tom & Kelly ever got it on.

Gutted that none of my teachers looked as good as Kelly though…

And admittedly, Take My Breath Away is an absolute belter of a song. Terri Nunn did, and always will, ROCK!

Willingly listen to an Ellie Goulding song

Sorry, I know it sounds mean, but I just don’t like her singing voice, which is a shame as some of her songs are pretty good. I can’t put my finger on it, but bless her it just grates with me and is a right turn off.

I’ve heard she speaks highly of me though. And she adores my own nasal toned singing voice.

Touch a snake

“They’re not slimy, so what’s the problem?”

I really couldn’t give a Monkey’s flying Canadian club if snakes are slimy, furry, fluffy or rock hard, I will never get within 10 feet of a snake, even if its trapped inside a 4 inch glass enclosure, let alone TOUCH one.

You might have seen me at the Zoo actually, running out of the reptile building, screaming and crying. I just cannot be near them – they’re out to get me!

Father Christmas is REAL!

Whether you sit on the splintered commercialism fence or throw yourself fully into the spirit of the Christmas season, if you have children one thing is for sure… there will come a time when they will approach you and want to know the truth.

“Is Father Christmas*   (*Santa Claus / Pere Noel / Babbo Natale / Daidí na Nollag / Moş Crăciun / Christmas Baba / Christmas Thaathaa / Weihnachtsmann / Dun Che Lao Ren / Papai Noel / Viejo Pascuero / Kanakaloka / Swiety Mikolaj / cha Giáng sinh)   real?”

(Hopefully) many years of your child’s life will have passed with them enjoying the wonders of Christmas before asking you that question, but how can it be answered in the most appropriate way?

I’ve been a dad for nearly a dozen years now, but it still doesn’t give me any right or interest in telling a fellow parent how to parent their child – but I recall how my own dad helped me to discover the mystery behind Father Christmas.

I was 13 years old (yes 13…I was a shy and sheltered young lad!), and decided to broach the subject in the kitchen one evening. So I listened intently, hoping for a decent explanation, following years of teasing from friends who insisted I was bonkers to still believe in a story about a man in a red cloak that carried a bag containing billions of presents.

He looked me in the eye – as he always did (and still does!) and started talking about the spirit of Christmas.

So did I buy his explanation? 

Well fast forward through several years full of experiences and life altering highs and lows, and I find myself now rapidly approaching 40 years old, around the same age my dad was when we spoke.

And I STILL believe in Father Christmas.

I found that the event of Christmas became less special as I moved from being a teenager into a man, though I strived to keep the spirit alive.

And then my own children were born, and their enjoyment of Christmas for me is like living through Christmas as a child all over again.

One cannot script this life. But if at all possible, including elements borrowed with pride from what my own dad told me on that winters day, in a deep and dark December in 1988, I tried to convey the below to my children when their time arrived…

“Until this time came, and until you asked this question, I couldn’t reveal the answer. But I believe Father Christmas is about 3 things:

· Belief

· Love

· …and Spirit

Belief

The existence of Father Christmas is not really a lie – it’s a secret kept to help children believe in things they cannot hold or see.

Throughout your life, you will often need the capacity to believe in yourself, in your friends and your family, even when it’s incredibly hard to do so.

Love

Christmas is the symbol of the greatest power you

will ever know: Love.

Love will light your life from the inside out, even

during its darkest hours when you are sad.

Love will never burn out as somebody somewhere

will always love YOU.

Spirit

But the best reason to forever believe is because

spirit is real and enduring.

Father Christmas is an embodiment of magical spirit that lives inside of everyone who believes in him. He is real for as long as you believe he is real, and not for one moment longer.

When your friends tell you that he’s not real, they are correct… he isn’t real for them anymore.

If you believe he is real, like I do, then you can keep Father Christmas alive in your heart for as long as you want to do so (even when you’re as old as I am!) for Christmas lasts even longer for those who choose to believe.

All the times you do kind things for people throughout the year expecting nothing in return, well THAT is also the spirit of Christmas”

Have Belief

Have Love

Have Spirit

…and have yourself a merry little Christmas forever   XxX

Christmas Playlist

Updated and revised for Christmas 2018!

Oh come on, it’s not too early now!

I rewrite this every year, but I at least give it until December before unleashing a bit of Christmas on Twitterland.

I love loads of Christmas songs – there, I’ve said it! So much so that limiting myself to just 15 entries on this blog was pretty tricky, and hard though I tried I just couldn’t place them in order of preference. Each year one song seems to grab me in particular as a ‘favourite’, but more often than not a different one will topple it the following year.

So here are 15 of my faves – with a few hyperlinks if you want to get festive.

You’ll notice there’s not a trace of Cliff, Jive Bunny or Mariah Carey – I’m not saying I dislike them though. In fact, think yourselves lucky that I didn’t include the songs that merely remind me of Christmas, on the basis they were released in December etc. (Blur, Oasis, Michael Jackson, Björk etc.)

Sometimes you just run out of space and time…

Wonderful Christmastime – Paul McCartney

This was my favourite one as a child – maybe because there’s lots of ding-dong-ding-donging, and at school the most exciting instrument I ever got to use was a chime bar (musical note C of course).

Sir Macca doing what he does better than most – simple, catchy and melodic. And for good measure for my local readers, the accompanying music video was filmed in good old Sussex at The Fountain Inn, Ashurst

The Christmas Song – Nat 'King' Cole

Got to have a bit of tradition. Nat actually recorded several different versions of this, but the differences are so negligible, only a finely tuned ear might notice. Reminds me of my childhood and a roaring fireplace – which is odd as I didn’t have one (fireplace that is!)

Man that guy had a voice sweeter than honey.

 

Stop the Cavalry – Jona Lewie

Every year I can’t help but change the dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum bit into an advert jingle in my head for Deb-a-deb-en-hams. I even suggested it to a Debenhams CEO. “Thanks, but no thanks Bez!” was their short reply.

The song itself has barely anything to do with Christmas, but a few sleigh bells make a huge difference #whoismarybradley?

Step into Christmas – Elton John

This sticks in my mind due to it playing throughout a trip to the Santa’s Grotto at the legendary Brighton department store Hanningtons (RIP) in the early 1980’s. Oddly enough it didn’t fly too high in the charts when first released (there was good competition in the charts in 1973), but the royalties that Sir Elton has recouped since then has probably eased his pain somewhat!

Sleigh Ride – The Ronettes

Back when Phil Spector was merely a superb producer of pop and wall of sound mono, he gave us his ‘Christmas Gift’ album.

It is without doubt the best Christmas album ever created, and any number of songs from it would grace many a Christmas playlist, but Sleigh Ride is brilliant brilliant brilliant… and even better in stereo if you can get it. Sung with all the panache and charm the amazing Ronnie Bennett/Spector could muster. Did I say it was brilliant? It’s super brilliant.

And someone somewhere needs to remaster these Spector babies into crisp stereo please.

River – Robert Downey Jr

What’s that then? Well from the intro, you might think it’s a serious version of Jingle Bells, but that does it a huge disservice. RDJ (with help from the fab Vonda Shepard) covered this Joni Mitchell classic during his stint on the much missed TV show Ally McBeal, and he absolutely nailed it. If you only click on one of the hyperlinks on this blog, click on this one. Beautiful song: River

Merry Christmas Everyone – Shakin' Stevens

The most Christmassy promo video since NORAD Tracks Santa went viral on YouTube. Shakey’s career peaked with this nearly-Christmas-number-one (depends on which chart you look at) but he’d had a good run, and holds the crown of being the most successful UK Singles chart act of the 1980’s. Not bad when you consider who he was up against (Madonna, Michael Jackson, Queen etc)

Last Christmas – Wham!
Probably my favourite all time Christmas song, but really the only version you should listen to is the 6 minutes+  Pudding Mix
It probably carries more poignancy with the tragic passing of GM on Christmas Day 2016 - but Last Christmas has always been revered.
In my teens I used to repeatedly listen to this through headphones and immerse myself in its sad sob story. In the dark. #shelteredteenyearsActually I still listen to music in the dark, so not much has changed!

I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday – Wizzard
Dead unlucky to have been released the same year (1973) as Slade’s Merry Xmas Everybody – in any other year it might have performed better in the charts than it eventually did. Let’s not mention the mash up version that The Wombles did with Roy Wood though… we’ll forgive the legendary Roy, on the basis that he also formed the original Electric Light Orchestra don’t you know!? And was the first artist ever to be heard on BBC Radio One.

I Believe In Father Christmas – Greg Lake

Performed by yet another musician who has sadly passed away.

I really wasn’t keen on this one growing up, as I didn’t think the video was Christmassy enough. I clearly missed the point! A song perhaps initially intended to be about the over commercialisation of Christmas, but with a push from Prokofiev’sTroika it still manages to drill home the essence of Christmas: Belief.Love.Spirit

Christmas Wrapping – The Waitresses

Very cutesy song from this post punk band. Covered in a very poppy way by the Spice Girls, but maybe they didn’t quite capture it quite so well (and they omitted a verse for some reason!?)

Lead singer Patty Donahue died well before her time, but her song will ensure she won’t be forgotten.

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

Another one that slipped under my radar when first released (1987) – possibly because it might have received a radio ban due to some industrial language lyrics? Consistently voted as a Christmas favourite in polls, so it appears to have earned its’ place at the top table, though I can’t escape the idea that it has become a bit of a bandwagon song i.e. it’s become a fashionable song just BECAUSE it’s trendy to like it. It wouldn’t be on this list if I didn’t like it, but the way it has gained its momentum of popularity has always struck me as a bit odd.

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) – John & Yoko

After a family bereavement in November one year, I listened to this song incessantly. I don’t know if I was in denial, or if it simply cheered me up, but maybe it just gave me some hope and comfort.

In a similar vein to his former song-writing partner mentioned earlier, it’s brilliantly simple and melodic. You’ll never miss it, as it gets re-released every year.
Not keen on the various cover versions though – some songs should just be left alone!

Driving Home For Christmas – Chris Rea

Traditionally it’s the song I play in the car on my way home from my last working day before Christmas #OCD

Possibly the most loved underachieving Christmas song ever. Everyone seems to like it, but incredulously it only peaked at number 53 (UK charts) when first released and even on re-release the best it’s ever achieved is number 26. Given another worthy lease of life in recent years due to the terrific SHELTER charity video below:

Driving Home For Christmas (Shelter Video)

And finally…December Song (I Dreamed of Christmas) by George Michael.

This has been hovering around this playlist for years, and has now earned its place. The ever generous George Michael (revealed as a HUGE philanthropist after his sad death) actually gave this song away as a freebie download from his website when first issued on Christmas Day 2008.

Quite a few people missed out on that event, so it was released as a physical single a year or so later – and even then it still couldn’t catch up with demand until it was made available for regular downloading.

Originally written with the Spice Girls in mind to record it, I’m not sure they would have done it the justice that GM has. A truly lovely sentimental song.

Merry Christmas one and all!

Belief.Love.Spirit XxX